1. |
Harbinger
04:24
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If my life was worth living, would I ever have to question it? I’m held back by pretense- my mind’s a graveyard of regret. As I lay my head down to rest I feel a soreness in my ear from all the excuses I’d take. Diagnosis, no relief, every answer I had was a mistake. Don’t toss aside my silence- I want you to say I will fall. I will fall. I will fall. I’m not exposing myself to you, saying that I have weakness; that I don’t know the truth. If my life was worth living, would I ever have to question it? If I’m held back by pretense, my mind’s a graveyard of regret. I am the Voice of Shattered Hymns. I am the Harbinger of Sins. Everything you thought you knew was a fallacy. It never was the truth.
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2. |
Comfort
01:55
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What do I do when I feel nothing- when I’m stuck in bed with no desire to live? I’ve got ambition, but I’ve got no guts. I was crushed when I was told I’d amount to nothing. And with my final wish, I will hopefully predict an end not to soon, a place to live. A place to die that feels comfortable. A place to die that feels comfortable to me. I will bring myself back to life. I am worth so much more than this. I keep conspiring dreams, but I can’t commit.
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3. |
Admonition
04:36
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Imagine everything you did was wrong. You were too blind to see at all. This is how I was, but that part of me is gone. I am aware of all I am, an outcast, a traitor, a savior for the damned. I hope someone learns something. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I’m sorry. I beg for forgiveness. I ask for light! Please. Don’t let it end like this. I will keep breathing but I choke on every breath. I wrote this soliloquy, so someone else wouldn’t repeat my death. I want them to learn, that greed is the enemy, a lie is not your friend- that the people who are closest, should remain the closest until the end. I’m damned. I’m damned. I’m damned. I am sorry mom. I am sorry dad. You tried to teach me and I never learned. You warned me, but I never listened to you. I’m sorry. I’m damned. I’m damned. You won’t see me where I’m going. I will never reconsider; I’m a fucking excuse. Everything I’ve done, there is no excuse. I live in weakness, I tremble, but I’m okay. With this admonition, one day, I will set myself free.
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4. |
Perish
04:57
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TC: Not things learned so much as things remembered. VF: Trace memories in the brain, perhaps. TC: Did you ever consider the consequences of your actions? You gave me life, and then you left me to die. Who am I? VF: You…? I don’t know. TC: And you think that I am evil. VF: What can I do? – Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein (1994)
I have felt struggle, but who hasn’t felt it. I’ve been so selfish. I’ve let this be about myself. Like a scourge, I feel the chill now creeping from my toes into my knees. I am physically weak, emotionally drained. All I hear is the trees and mountains are all I will see. Everyone’s gone. Everyone’s left me. It is here I will perish- on this lake of frozen memories. If a tree fell in the wilderness and there was no one there to see or hear it, did it make a noise? Did it even fall at all? I will never fall. I will never fall.
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